Princess Unicorn Sparkles

Fully committed to sparkle motion. (No really, even I am no longer sure what this blog is about.)
Posts I Like


This is an essay called “The Lie of Entitlement” by Terrance Crowley, scanned from "Transforming a Rape Culture".

I thought it was very fitting to put up because of a lot of discussions that go on on tumblr from privileged groups complaining that they get criticized for speaking for marginalized groups, or being told to step aside and not take a leadership role.  The essay talks about how the author had to unpack his own prejudices and need for control before he could help out, and understand that his intentions don’t prevent his actions from causing harm.  I specifically wanted to note pages 2 and 3 and this passage:

"I wanted to be one of the good guys.  I wanted to say what battering is about and who does it.  I wanted to say what working on sexism looks like.  I wanted to say what racism is and what to do about it.  I wanted to be the one to say when homeless people, gays, people of color, and most especially women go too far in their self-expression.  I wanted to define fair and just.  I wanted to say what is appropriate and when.  I wanted to say what is sexual and sexy.  I wanted to say what no means.  I wanted to say what is provocative or erotic for women.  I wanted to say whether this sense of entitlement propagates and condones a rape culture.  Last, if questioned, I wanted to deny this need for control."

I think a lot of “allies” that get called out, or who complain that they feel restricted in what they can say to who, should read this and think about how they act and why it’s so important to them that they get to define what causes harm to the marginalized group.  Part of privilege is that you get situated as being the default and “objective” viewer, and that marginalized people are situated as being too close to the situation, irrational, too extreme, etc and needing your guidance and leadership.  If you enact that relationship, or attempt to, you’re only contributing to the problem that you are trying to be an ally in tackling.

This is fantastic. I also wanted to add that one of the other issues of control that arise may be auditing how people respond to it in other ways that we don’t talk about as often. I’m referring to the well-meaning ally who wants someone to be angry or actionable about their own oppression when that someone isn’t, or isn’t in a way that resonates with the ally. That, too, is an issue of control and paternalism.

(via urihu)

I’m having all kinds of feelings about finally graduating.

I tried college once when I was fresh out of high school, and due to a whole lot of factors — mental health issues, making all the wrong friends, difficulties transitioning from making As effortlessly in high school to having to work and feeling stupid in college, generally feeling like I didn’t belong, and some big family tragedies — I dropped out. I came home, worked for a while, fell in love, started a family, fell out of love and moved on. I got back into school when I was twenty-five, as a single mom with a full-time job already. I am very, very fortunate that my hometown has a university who accepted my dismal transfer grades, that the tuition was comparably low, and that financial aid to single parents is still something that actually covered this low tuition.

Since then, I’ve won awards for my coursework, worked with several professors as research assistant and teaching assistant, and generally taken full advantage of all that the school could offer me. I’ve been nominated for a fellowship by my school, invited to three honor societies, and will be awarded by two separate departments as an outstanding student for my work. I’ve been accepted to an MA/PhD program with full funding, beginning in the fall.

I have a lot to say about how my failures drove me to want to teach, to use my second chance to be there for students at risk of falling through the cracks the way I did that first time, but that’s for another post. Right now I’m still processing what it feels like to have spent years thinking I would never go back to school, much less graduate, and at my worst thinking I wasn’t worthy of success at all. And now I’m in a position to have a MA by thirty. It took me ten years to get here, but I did it, and I’m really proud of myself, but I have so many more complicated feelings about it, too.


"That’s why Betty makes me cry so much this season, why her scenes make me sick to my stomach and why I feel for her more than ever: We talk a lot, in feminist communities, about abuse. And we talk a lot about how oppression can warp your understanding of self, about how some people raised in an oppressive system will internalize that system. We talk about how people who are victims of abuse often perpetrate it. I just don’t think we were prepared to see that play itself out on Mad Men. We wanted Betty to read The Feminine Mystique and get her mind blown and rise above; or, we wanted her to stay a victim, so we could relate to her better, or at least keep feeling sorry for her. But sometimes, people just get damaged until they start damaging. Sometimes, people are lost. We hate Betty now because she’s not going to stay a victim, but the truth is, she’s also not going to be saved. 

It was the scenes with the child psychiatrist that did it for me. Some will argue that January Jones is a terrible actress, and to them I submit: The scenes in the child psychiatrist’s office. She became an entirely different person for those few minutes of film; you could see her getting softer, and sweeter, and more human, every second. All because someone — a woman, older than her, an authority figure — talked to her gently, and quietly, and responded to her worst, yikesiest statements only with, “that must be a terrible feeling.” You know: It really must be. All of Betty’s feelings must be so, so terrible. But it was clear, even then, that this woman was scared of her, and scared for her daughter. You could see the potential for Betty to heal, in those few scenes. But that wasn’t the message of the scenes themselves. The message was that her chance was gone; she wasn’t a child any more, and she had to be judged by adult standards. She still needs love, so badly, but she just doesn’t deserve it any more, and giving it to her is just too risky. Help came too late. And how many stories is that, really?”

I love Betty Draper’s character. She is so complex! That analysis is awesome, everybody should watch Mad men, is a wonderful show!  

(via fuchsiagroaning)

Also: sitting outside because the weather is excellent. Thought there was a bug on me. Flailed so hard I accidentally kicked my shoe off the deck. WHY.

It just figures that my final paper in my final year as an undergrad is the only paper I’ve legitimately BSed my way through. I couldn’t motivate myself to write it, so I inserted all of my scholarly/writerly pet peeves into it, just for giggles. And somehow a professor I genuinely respect ends up reading it. *facepalm*

Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it’s all a male fantasy: that you’re strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you’re unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.
Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride (via fuchsiagroaning)

(via fuchsiagroaning)





Portrait I drew of the lovely Maggie Smith.

I am getting this framed and hung over my fireplace goddamn.



this is my favorite post of all time

(via vangoghstars)

My professor, on that dipshittery in the most recent GoT:

"Guess her victimization was more tolerable than her menses." Damn.